Once we lose trust, relationship is impossible. We can compromise it, and stick around for the ride but the truth is, once trust is gone, love can’t flow.
In business, as has been proven over and over, people can’t be trusted. Leave an employee near an open computer and they’ll connect to the internet and waste time. Accuse them and they’ll scream like you just shot them in the foot. Interesting isn’t it.
To be accused of untrustworthiness is one of the most sensitive insults you can hand another person. People can, and will, lie through their teeth about things that have breeched trust.
The Ancient laws of nature predict this clearly. They suggest that we have within us, 7 levels of mind. The lowest of these exists in everyone, as well as the highest. That lowest mind is a devil in disguise. And cannot be trusted, in anyone.
The lowest mind functions on instinct. Many people are living in this level of mind. We call it survival instinct but there’s allot of complexity in this survival. A multi millionaire might still be in survival mode. A beautiful woman or a handsome guy might be in survival instinct. A religious fundamentalist is operating in survival instinct. Anyone who is in survival instinct is operating in their lowest mind, and therefore cannot be trusted.
Why can’t they be trusted? Because there is so much fear, so much guilt that their real authenticity cannot be “allowed to surface” They put on a brave face and can be some of our most successful people, but their fears or their guilt drives them insane, or to self destruction.
To be trustable, you have to trust yourself. That means you do things in private that you are “not ashamed of” and you are not always “should-ing” yourself. Should do this and shouldn’t do that. To be trustable, you’ll need some level of transparency between your revealed self, and your non revealed self.
Once trust is lost between two people it can rarely be regained. If love is an the iron that holds us together, trust is the silk that binds us. Love can tolerate so much abuse, trust on the other hand cannot and once broken, is really hard to repair.
I think trust is more important than love. A person you trust, you can eventually love. A person you love who breaks your trust, you will never settle in intimacy with.
There are circumstances when people speak of MEN, or WOMEN, as a generic class of people. They have a prejudice about “ALL MEN” or “ALL WOMEN” and there are so many books written to encourage this idea of one mould fits all. For some people “ALL WOMEN” or “ALL MEN” are unworthy of trust. This is a huge problem because people become as we treat them. The untrusting lover actually breeds the un-trustable partner.
There was once a beautiful woman who betrayed many men. She eventually birthed a child and wanted to settle down. She chose a man, one she loved, but she couldn’t trust him. What she had done, she knew he was capable of doing. This is called Karma.
I counselled her, the only way to stop breeding this untrustworthiness in her partners, was to begin to believe that she herself was worthy of being trusted. She became more transparent to her partner, she opened to him. The second part was to accept that what she had done to others, others could do to her. It was only fair. So, she gave her partner permission, to cheat. She told him that she had found the need to be unfaithful in the past and that if he found that need, it was ok. From this strange vantage point she no longer held suspicion, no longer felt guilty. She released him to do as she had done.
Some months later I spoke to her partner in deep privacy. He told me that he had cheated on many of his partners before, but, now in this relationship it was as if he didn’t need to. He claimed that the fact that his wife had given him permission was the deepest love he’d ever felt and he no longer had the urge.
This is all on the surface. The deepest core of this story, is that the lady I consulted to had stopped breeding her fears in her partner. She had stopped being guilty about her own past. She had risen above the lowest mind which manifests it’s fears and guilt’s in others.
It is one couple where trust was mended.
The ancient laws of nature are difficult sometimes. They often require a personal honesty that is beyond the lower mind. An acceptance that what we judge in ourselves, we breed, attract or cause in others.
This is real healing.